file000769939863

This is one of my very earliest memories. It may be the earliest.

I was probably around 5 years old, but I don’t actually know how old I was. I remember having a bad dream in the night. I woke up in my bed and cried out. I wanted to go to my parents’ room, so I got out of bed and turned to walk out of my bedroom.

The room was dark. except for a bit of dim light. The dark air was speckly, with dots of light flitting in and out. I approached the doorway of my room to leave it and go into the hallway so that I could go to my parents’ room, but in front of me in the doorway was a darkness; a dark figure blocked my path.

I felt threatened, and cried out to God while pulling it out of my path with my mind. It felt like I was ripping it out of my way and behind me. When I opened my eyes, it was no longer there. I left my bedroom and went to my parents’ room.

I remember laying in their bed, between them, and looking up at the dim ceiling. Around the edges of the ceiling swam or flew some small white dimly visible figures. They looked like they might have been angels. I felt comforted and protected. They were much smaller than an adult; perhaps 2 feet high at the most. This is my first memory of the idea that angels are smaller in size than bodily people. I slept in my parents’ bed until morning.

As I grew older, I wondered about this memory. Could it have been a demon that confronted me, or some kind of evil spirit? Later I read about Carl Jung’s concept of the psyche’s shadow, and I felt that must be it. But I’m not 100% certain what the dark shadow in my doorway was. Was it some spiritual entity trying to stop me from becoming who I am meant to be? Or was it my own repressed fears? Or perhaps my karmic debt for sins in past lives? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I still wonder about them from time to time.

This memory is the beginning of my story of my life. I plan to write about other memories, related memories soon, most notably about my memory of my calling experience.

Advertisements